A look inside our family...Part II

"Children's Guidelines"

We have three guidelines for our children.

1. Obey your parents.

2. Be kind to one another.

3. You never get what you cry or whine for.

Here is our reasoning:

1. "Obey your parents" (Ephesians 6:1--a direct command in Scripture). Initially, we want our children to learn to obey us for simple safety reasons. Ya know, "Don't put that in your mouth; it's not food." "Don't go in the street!" And then, in a short time, they've learned to obey for other reasons. They learn that dad and mom love then, and boundaries are created to ensure security and safety, as well as to promote growth in many other areas.

2. "Be kind to one another" (Ephesians 4:32). This one's easy to understand. And, Derek and I want to model this by how we act toward one another and how we act toward our children. In addition, we have a rule for ourselves: "Do not exasperate your children" (Ephesians 6:4). (I'll write more about that in my next post.)

3. "You never get what you cry or whine for." This has helped so much in our family to have peace and tranquility! Our children have learned that acting out gets them absolutely no where. We start at an early age--by about one-and-a-half years old. To teach them, "You never get what you cry for," we state the rule and then wait until the child stops crying. It looks like this: child crying for mommy to hold him/her (not from being hurt, having a bad dream, etc.). I would tell him/her, "You never get what you cry for, so stop crying, and say please." Then, I show him/her the sign language sign for "please", they stop crying long enough to put their little hand on their chest, and then I scoop him/her up quickly. I say with a smile and a hug, "See, you said 'please' and you weren't crying, so mommy could pick you up."

Over time, this evolves, and the children learn how to ask for things properly, and if they have a moment of amnesia, within 20-30 seconds they remember the guideline. Obviously, the crying or whining may follow a "no" reply. "Mom, can we have desert after breakfast?" "No, Honey. I don't think that would be good for you."

In order to not "exasperate" our children with lots of "no" answers, Derek and I try to give a lot of "yes" answers. Like: "Mom, can we have dessert after lunch?" While I don't want them to eat sugar, I may say something like: "OK. Let's have animal crackers with peanut butter for dipping, AND we'll eat them outside like a picnic!" Saying, "yes" to a request--with keeping their best interest in mind--is a good way to teach the children that their ideas are valuable and that we care about their desires.

We hope that over time, our children will learn to obey those in authority (leading to obedience to God), learn to be kind to other people, and learn to have self-control and make wise choices.

This is just another glimpse into who we are....