A look inside our family...Part I

Saying "I'm Sorry"

I have been feeling a pull to blog about what makes up our family. From the inside out.

The real us. The stuff that you would see/hear if you came to stay at our house.

So, let's begin before Derek and I ever got married.

Derek and I made a covenant between ourselves. We promised ourselves even before we were married that we would never go to bed angry with one another, so that we would never give the devil an opportunity to get a foothold in our relationship (Ephesians 4:26-27).

We had made a covenant.
We were serious.
And, so we began. We got married, and we began living as husband and wife.

As you can imagine, with two sinners living together, we had ample opportunity to "work out our covenant". There were misunderstandings, differences of opinions, hurt feelings, and plain ol' sin.

When we began the journey down our covenant-keeping-lifestyle, and as I, in particular, hated confrontation of all kinds, we'd often wait and talk at night before bed. (Ya know, brush it under the rug until the last possible moment.) Knowing we had a covenant to keep, we would stay awake until all hours of the night working out the issue until we could fall asleep snuggling and holding hands.

We were serious. Our marriage was/is worth so much to us, that working out the issues was (and remains) of utmost priority.

Over time, we began to realize that any time spent between an argument/disagreement/sin and that nighttime talk were just absolutely wasted moments and hours. Over time, we'd learned to just "get it over with", because we'd be hugging and kissing before the night was over anyway. So, why not get to the kissing and hugging sooner?

So, how do we get to the "hugging and kissing" part?

Every apology has three statements.
1. "I'm sorry for ___________." (List the sin/offense by name--by the name God gave it.)
2. "I was wrong."
3. "Will you please forgive me?"

That's it.
Three simple statements.
Simple, yet terribly humbling.
Completely useful for tearing down all walls between individuals.
Three statements that will humble the offender, and completely melt the heart of the one who was offended.

And, it's amazing how one apology (from the offender) can lead to another apology (from the one offended). Many arguments/disagreements/sins have two people involved. And, when one person's self-protective walls are torn down, the other person is often quick to lower their self-protective walls as well.

We have lived out this way of apologizing in our family for over 14 years.
It is part of our make-up.
It is who we are.
So much so, that Derek and I were saying these words to our children even before they could understand English.

I remember being in Ch*na, and Cherish was terrified of me. She had just joined our family three days prior. She had spent the day hitting me, kicking me, trying to bite me, screaming bloody murder when I went near her...and in my heart I had stopped being patient with her. I was hurt. I knew her little world had turned completely upside down, yet I was hurt that she "hated" me so much. So, there I was in a hotel room in Ch*na, apologizing to a 12-month-old for being impatient with her in my heart.

I remember saying through tears: "Cherish, I am so sorry that I was not patient with you today. I am SOOOOOO sorry!! I was wrong! Will you please forgive me?" (By that time I was bawling!) Obviously, she did not answer, but my heart was broken, and our relationship continued with me being a better mother!

It is so precious seeing the results from this type of apology!

Cherish and Andrew apologize this way to each other, and where one minute one temper can be hot, the next minute--literally--the other has apologized, and they giggle the silliest laugh, hug, and start playing again as if the offense never happened!

I have heard Andrew say to Cherish on his own: "I sorry mean. Wrong. 'Give me?" It melts Cherish's heart and it melts my heart to hear that he already "gets it".

This is real life here.
We all sin.
We all offend.
But, we've made it a point that everything stops, and the offense is confessed before moving on.

And, we. have. peace.
Real peace in the family.


Getting used to saying you are "wrong" is really hard. But, it gets a lot easier over time, and it is one of the bonds that holds this family together in unity.

We all sin.
We all need to seek forgiveness.
We all need to grant forgiveness.
Seeing the healing and love that follows makes going through the process of seeking forgiveness a beautiful thing!