Transparency

Hi, Friends.

I have been shying away from posting since December, because I have felt that I may have seemed deceptive. In the past, I have tried to highlight the good in our family, because those are the memories and moments I want my family and I to remember.

However, I felt like I was deceiving you, the reader, making it so that it may have looked like all of life was great and amazing. Of course, that was/is not so. Therefore, I pulled away.

Here's the truth:
Life is hard.
Life is REALLY HARD.
Life is harder than Derek and I ever imagined it could be.
And, we know it will get harder still as the teen years approach.

So, why is "life" hard?

We have children who have come through EXTREME DEVASTATION, and they are hurt. They hurt so badly!

However, we cannot tell their stories. Their stories are theirs to share--if and when they are ever ready.

So, I thought I had to stop writing, because I thought I was putting up a facade.

But, would you all please allow me to continue journaling our family--looking for the good, yet keeping the really hard and ugly protected as the children try to find their way in their new little worlds?

If so, would you pray for us? We have entered "waters" we have never navigated, nor do we have mentors who have walked this road before us.

It seems that when things get really tough, many adoptive families go behind closed doors. I totally understand--especially when one's own family says things like, "Well, you brought it upon yourself!"

Yes, we have "brought it upon ourselves". We WANT to be a part of God's rescue plan for orphans. We WANT to walk with them through the battles that rage within--due to all the trauma they experienced. We WANT to be present and available when the rage flares and the tears pour and the children don't know why. We WANT to pay attention to find what triggers may be igniting nightmares and terrors that are surfacing from early pain, hurt, trauma, and mistreatment.

Yes, we want to be "Jesus with skin on" for the little ones God has brought into our home.

We want to be transparent with what we can share. So, when you see smiling faces on this blog, they may be posted because I am in love with the glow that just came through a crying meltdown that we have just snuggled our way through.

We are all flawed. So flawed! We are all growing and learning together. We need more grace than we ever new before.

Initially, I had titled this blog "Grace to Infinity" thinking that God had given us grace beyond what we ever imagined in granting us these precious children to love, help, and mold. However, lately I've been thinking that the "Grace to Infinity" stands for the amount of grace each one of us needs to navigate this road as a family.

"Hurt people hurt people." We have been told that numerous times. There are times Derek and I feel hurt to the point to bleeding internally, but it brings us closer to a Savior whom we have hurt. WE caused Him to bleed--real blood. How much more is it our PRIVILEGE to walk in the steps of the Savior?

So, in the future as I post about the memories we what to focus on, please know we are not trying to look like "life is perfect" or "life is a bunch of roses". Life is hard, but we choose to see the joy and goodness. We choose to love and to spend ourselves for the sake of hurt little ones.

-Julie