Julie's Birthday

Today was my birthday, and the day was made extra special by the two cards Cherish made me.

God bless her!!!!!

The gift of empathy

I have the gift of empathy. Some have called it a "curse". Truly, though, it is a gift from God.

The gift has landed me in the hospital a few times with symptoms of a heart attack. Each time the doctors have been puzzled that I pass all the tests, yet I continue with symptoms of a heart attack.

Each time I have been able to trace the heart attack symptoms to orphan or post-adoption trauma. The first time was when Russia closed its doors to international adoption.

I was empathetic.

As far as my mind and body could discern, I was the orphan who had been abandoned, left to starve, without pain management, without hope.... Even while in the hospital, every time my mind began to think or my heart began to empathize with the orphans, the heart monitors went off showing I was having a heart attack--though I was not.

Empathy--feeling with every fiber of my being--makes it very difficult when my children get hurt physically. Even if one of my children gets a tiny paper cut, I actually feel sharp pain in my body.

Literally.

If I even perceive that one of my children is about to get hurt (by possibly tripping...), literal pain shoots out my limbs, up and down my spine, and then settles in my hips.

Literally.

This goes for anyone I see get hurt, physically or emotionally--even if I don't know the person. My body literally joins them in their pain. I even dream as if I am the one in the actual trauma. I cannot escape it.

Since then, my heart has often been filled with grief over the traumas my children have faced and over the traumas others have faced.

Fast forward, and at the end of May into June the situation escalated. I was in the hospital for 3 days with chest pains that would not quit--even with morphine.

After being on a Holter monitor, I was diagnosed with atrial tachycardia. The rhythm of my heart has now changed. Even while being off caffeine and being on medication, my heart remains feeling as if it wants to somersault out of my chest.

I believe that empathy has led to my atrial tachycardia. Am I angry? Am I upset? Do I want a "redo" of the last 7 years?

Nope.

I was not called to self-preservation.

God has granted me this gift so that I may minister to others as I enter into their pain and hurt. It is a gift for you, my friend. May I utilize the gift to the uplifting of my family, friends, and those I have yet to know. May I love you well as we walk this road of life together.

💗 Julie

46!

Yes. I had a birthday this weekend. Yep. I turned 46. Who celebrates 46? Me!

Cherish on her own threw me a SURPRISE 46th birthday party! I was shocked that she was able to write out invitations with addresses and stamps--unchecked--and get them all out. She looked up addresses on our church's electronic directory and handed out other invitations. (I don't know who all was invited, but I am sure many were not. Sorry!) All I know is, she did an amazing job!

In addition, she baked cupcakes and decorated them on her own, cut fruits and vegetables, and decorated the house for the party.

The only thing Derek did was purchase the food Cherish picked out and help her cut the large fruit, like the pineapples.

I am awed by her love!

We didn't get a picture of everyone who attended the party, as it was a come-and-go as people were able. Poor Andrew is not even in the group picture.

So, how was she able to pull off the party?

Derek sent me on the ladies' retreat with our church family Friday evening and Saturday. Perfect timing for Cherish 😉.

I want to say "Thank you!" to all who came and to all who wished me a happy birthday. It certainly was!

THANK YOU!!!

Mother's Day

I am so immensely blessed that these precious children call me "Mom"!

Children Planned by a Sovereign God

(a mother’s prospective)

When Derek and I got married in 1999, we chose to trust God's perfect timing for children. We waited. And we waited.

After seven years of marriage and still having no children, my husband was told by his friend about a fertility clinic here in town that he and his wife had gone to. His wife was 8 months pregnant with their first child at that time.

Derek asked me to go with him to consult a doctor to see if anything was “wrong” medically that could be fixed. Derek made our appointment and off we went to the fertility clinic.

While we were in the waiting room of the fertility clinic, an engulfing weight of horror came over me, and I knew something horrible was going to happen if we did not leave that waiting room immediately. The feeling of terror was so great that I wanted immensely to bolt from the room.

Derek noticed the change in my demeanor and asked what was wrong. I told him I thought we needed to leave and not return to the clinic. I told him of the horrible feeling that had entered my being and that I was sure something terrible was going to happen if we became patients of the clinic.

Derek asked me to stay and keep the doctor’s appointment.

I told him that if I wasn’t a believer in the Sovereignty of God I would run out of the waiting room and not return. However, since I believed in God's sovereignty, I was going to choose submission and do as Derek had asked.

We had our consultation, and the doctor assumed I had endometriosis, so he scheduled me for surgery. He said the surgery was out-patient and the recovery time was two days. After the two days, I could resume my normal activities. It was simply that easy to correct endometriosis.

I struggled in my heart. I felt the intense feelings of horror that engulfed me; I was certain of the trauma that would come if I followed through with the surgery. Yet, I knew God was (is) completely sovereign. I preached to myself.

Over and over again I reminded myself that God’s declared will was for me to submit to my husband, if I did that, I could trust the outcome to His sovereign hands. I knew that even my possible death would be for His glory if I only walked in obedience.

I continued to preach to myself. I was not going to allow my feelings to win over my knowledge of The Good and Sovereign God. I knew He was trustworthy.

We went forward with the surgery, and it was discovered that I indeed had endometriosis. Stage 2. It was removed.

Upon waking up, I could not move. The nurses were very kind and kept coaxing me to get up and walk. I could not get up. I could not move.

The nurses gave me narcotics. I still could not walk.

The recovery room was manned only by the doctor’s nurses, and their work day ended at 5 p.m. Ready or not, I had to leave at 5 p.m. They put me in a wheelchair and assisted Derek in getting me into the car to go home.

At home, I slept on the couch. Every movement was agony. I could not even walk to the restroom, so Derek borrowed a walker for me to use.

On day two of the recovery, a fever began. Derek called the doctor’s office to tell them about my pain and fever. They told him I was “fine” and to give me “Tylenol and Gatorade” (as I was not eating).

On day three of the recovery, the fever worsened. Derek called the doctor’s office again. Once again, the nurse told him I was fine and told Derek to give me Tylenol and Gatorade.

On day four of the recovery, I became delusional and began talking to Tinker Bell. My fever remained high. Derek called the doctor’s office again. The nurse yelled at Derek for bothering them. The nurse said that I was probably exaggerating and to simply give me Tylenol for the fever and Gatorade to keep me hydrated.

That night I felt certain that death was coming close. I asked Derek to stay with me and sleep in the living room. In the morning I saw how scary I looked as I shuffled past a mirror on my way to the restroom. My body had become extremely swollen overnight, and I had no idea what was happening.

I woke Derek and told him to take me to the hospital. Since the doctor’s office is a suite in the hospital, Derek called the doctor’s office first (knowing they had Saturday appointments from 7-9 a.m.), and told them I needed to be seen immediately.

The nurse yelled at Derek! She told him that it was unnecessary, but if he really thought it was an emergency, he had to have me there by 8 a.m. or they would not see me.

The agony of getting to the doctor’s office was almost more than I could bear! I was crying from the pain. I thought I would die from my organs exploding with each push of the brake and with every grout rut I had to be wheeled over while in the wheelchair.

I finally made it to the doctor’s office alive. I was surprised. Upon seeing me, the nurses quickly ushered me out of the waiting room and into a private room. The surgeon came in and immediately began ordering the nurses around. I had toxic shock, and it was day 5! I was literally on my death bed.

After multiple tests I was placed into the ICU ward of the hospital. It was Saturday night by this time. I overheard the infectious disease specialist tell the ICU nurse there was nothing more they could do. With antibiotics pouring into my veins I drifted off into unconsciousness.

Sunday passed. I was unaware of it.

Monday morning dawned and I awoke as the infectious disease specialist came in. His first words to me were: “I never expected to see you alive again.”

GOD had kept me alive. Thus, the surgeons went into action to combat the trauma my body was enduring due to the toxic shock.

I spent ten days in ICU. My days were full of battling complications.

I was eventually moved to a regular room in the hospital for five days and then discharged. I came out of the hospital with many medical issues due to the complications that had arisen from my time at the hospital. But, I was alive.

A little while later, a grapefruit-sized mass developed in my lower abdomen due to the toxic shock—which had essentially melted my insides together. I was transferred to an oncologist and prepped for yet another surgery.

A hysterectomy was performed. I was shocked.

I kept preaching to myself that God is completely sovereign over every detail of my life and so long as I continued to walk in obedience to His declared will, I would be protected by His perfect will and plan.

Having full trust in God’s sovereignty, we knew there were no such things as accidents. Therefore, we did not sue the surgeon or his staff.

God was at work.

During this time, Derek began feeling a call for us to adopt from China. He asked me to pray and see if God was leading me as well. I felt no need to pray—fully believing that God would lead my husband as the leader of our family. However, I did as he asked. I prayed for God’s direction. Within two months of praying, we both knew 100% that God had called us to adopt from China. The door down that path had flung wide open with nothing holding us back.

So, forward we charged.

On our first trip to China, it became clear to both of us that I would have died shortly after adopting Cherish, because it was during the complications of the toxic shock that my blood had clotted. The hematologist had discovered that I had a hereditary disorder that caused my blood to clot.

I had been so active in life that I never knew I had the disorder. Had the discovery not been made through the ordeal of the toxic shock, my blood would have clotted on the international flight to China, and our daughter would have come to America to be raised by a widowed daddy. What a blessed discovery!

So, should I have run out of that doctor’s office on the consultation day? No. If I had, we would not have these five amazing children with a sixth child on the way!

If I had run out of that doctor’s office, each month Derek and I would have had a hesitation in our hearts wondering if I would be getting pregnant during the adoption process—and thus lose the child with whom we had been matched. And, I would likely have died from clotting on that first trip to China with the pressure of the high altitude, combined with flying for so long with a sleeping child on my lap.

Even in trials, we Believers can be absolutely confident that God is Sovereign over all the details of our lives, and we can put our full confidence and trust in His good and loving hands as we walk in obedience to His Word.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” All things.

What had started out as a desire to be a mom has now turned into an all-consuming desire to care for the most vulnerable humans in the world.

I am so thankful for the darkness we walked through. I wouldn’t change it for anything!

To God be the glory!