Life for Life

I have kept this story quiet, because I haven’t wanted to hurt anyone. I know numerous hearts have been broken and many souls have grown weary in the 11+ years families have waited so far to adopt a healthy baby girl from China. For those who have been in the process since our paperwork was logged into China in 2007, Derek and I grieve with you that China has not yet matched you with a healthy baby girl and that the years ahead to wait are yet unnumbered.

I share this story now, not to hurt anyone, but because I cannot bear not shining light on the God of the universe Who is completely Sovereign and Who continues to work today. In addition, I share this story to show that all people—regardless of labels—have incomprehensible worth, and all children deserve to be welcomed into loving families.

November is National Adoption Month.

November 11, 2018 is Orphan Sunday.

November 11, 2018 is Veterans Day.

Today I share.

Life for Life

My husband and I had been married over 7½ years, and God had not yet granted us any children. A short time after getting out of the hospital for toxic shock (click HERE to read the story), the LORD laid on my husband’s heart the desire to adopt a child from China. As we looked into adopting from China, we were told the orphanages were comprised mainly of girls. However, the timeframe for waiting to adopt a healthy baby girl from China at that time was over 7 years—and the timeframe was increasing.

Since we firmly believed that every child has unfathomable worth, we decided to adopt a child with special needs. Indeed, our plan was to eventually adopt several children with special needs.

Thus, we began the process by applying to our agency for acceptance into the adoption program. We were accepted and began the enormous task of tackling paperwork and setting up appointments for all sorts of clearances.

During this time, my brother Jonathan Tompkins was serving as a Marine in Iraq. On April 5, 2007, my brother was shot by a sniper while on duty in the desert.

I was told that the Marines have a standard of resuscitating their fellow Marines two times, yet they resuscitated Jonathan 4 times! Jonathan was in a constant life-and-death state while being transferred from Iraq to Germany and then on to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland.

Fellow Marines praying over Jonathan before he left Iraq for Germany:

The Vietnam Veterans of America flew my family and me to Bethesda to be with Jonathan during his traumatic recovery. My mother stayed at the hospital with Jonathan the whole time while the rest of my family and I all took turns coming and helping Jonathan and giving my mom some time to rest.

Before flying to Bethesda for the second time, Derek and I had decided that since I was working on my summer session at Liberty University (online) and trying to complete our adoption paperwork, I would fly home on Memorial Day. That way I would be home before I was too far behind on my school projects.

Days before I was to fly out of Bethesda to go home, Jonathan, my mother, my brother Paul, and I were informed that the President of the United States would be coming to the hospital on Memorial Day to thank the Marines who were wounded and to present them with Purple Hearts.

My airline ticket had already been set and paid for so that I could fly home on Monday, Memorial Day. Therefore, I did not give the information a second thought. I knew I needed to get home.

When I called Derek later that day and told him of the adventures awaiting Jonathan on Monday, he said I should stay and watch Jonathan receive his Purple Heart. I reminded him that my flight had already been booked, that the background checks had already begun on all the visitors who would be at the hospital that day, and that I needed to get home for multiple projects.

He told me to stay.

All I could think was that I was to submit to my husband. Ephesians 5:22-23 states, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

I left my brother’s hospital room and headed down to the Liaison’s Office. I asked for permission to stay on the base and to be able to witness my brother receiving his Purple Heart. I was told that I could not stay; the plans had already been set.

As I thanked the officers for their time, one officer said he thought there might be a chance I could stay on the base. The officers worked together and I was granted permission to stay on the base and at the hospital. The officers changed my airline ticket to Tuesday, the day after Memorial Day.

Knowing I should not have even been at the presentation and that it was only by the grace of the officers that I was even permitted to be at the hospital that day, I planned to be as invisible as possible.

There were six (6) recipients of the Purple Heart award that day, but since Jonathan had contracted MRSA, he was in isolation. Thus, it was planned that the President, George W. Bush, would visit Jonathan last.

When the President arrived at Jonathan's room, I was surprised by how down-to-earth he was, how personable he was, how much compassion he showed, and how deep the respect was that he showed Jonathan and us. He thanked Jonathan over and over again for laying down his life for our country, and then the President presented Jonathan with the Purple Heart and the presidential coin.

When the presentation was over, the President asked permission to stay in Jonathan’s room to talk with us, since Marine One was not ready to take off.

The President stayed and talked with us! I was shocked! I watched him giving his attention to my family, and I soaked in the care he was showing!

After talking with Jonathan, the President asked my mother about herself, and then my brother Paul about himself. When the President turned his attention to me, I was thinking that I should not have even been in the room and that the visitation time was not about me. So, when he asked about me, I simply stated that I was married with no children. Period. Enough said.

I felt a direct tug on my heart telling me to tell him about our upcoming adoption. Normally, I would not have spoken, but the tug felt like a directive from God.

I paused and then simply stated that my husband and I were planning to adopt a little girl from China.

The President lit up and asked if I knew that his father had once been the Ambassador to China. I said I had not.

He told me what he knew of his father’s time in China and then told me he was familiar with China adoptions—as his friends had adopted two girls from China.

I told him we were planning to adopt several girls with special needs, and we were so excited about the entire process.

He told me that he was going to try to get my husband and me a healthy girl from China. I said, “Thank you, but no, that’s ok. I know the wait is tremendously long and many people are in the waiting process. My husband and I are planning to adopt children with special needs.”

Again, he said, “I want to do this for your family.”

Again, I said, “No, really, that’s fine! My husband and I will wait like everyone else.” I explained that the children were matched in the order that their paperwork was logged into China.

Again, he said, “I mean it! You do not understand. Your brother laid down his life for our country, and I want to do this for your family. Apply for a healthy child.” At that point, he turned to his aide and told him to give me his business card.

I turned and saw the aide shaking his head very slightly “no”. The President said firmly: “I said give her your business card!” The aide looked at me and then back at him with a questioning look that read: “Don’t you realize we don't do that?”

The President directed: “Give her your card, and you [Julie] e-mail me the minute your paperwork is logged into China. The e-mail will go to my aide, and he will tell me. When I know you’re logged in, I will work to get you your daughter.”

Once again I told the president it was not necessary and that Derek and I were willing to wait.

The President looked firmly at me and stated with a smile: “You will write me! I want to do this! This will be my gift to your family.”

After talking some more, taking a few pictures, and receiving hugs and salutes, the President walked out of the hospital room to take Marine One back to the White House.

Prior to the presentation of the Purple Heart:

(Photograph courtesy of the President’s photographer)

Talking while waiting for Marine One to take off:

(Photograph courtesy of the President’s photographer)

A picture for the memory book:

(Photograph courtesy of the President’s photographer)

My family and I were in a daze! What had just happened?!

I felt so badly! Here my brother had laid down his life for America and I was getting a child! How did this happen?

After a short time and after the shock had worn off, my brother congratulated me and said he would do it all over again for this child.

My heart melted! It might as well have melted all over the floor from how moved I was by his compassion and love!

I went home while my brother stayed in the hospital many more months. On August 14, 2007, our adoption paperwork was logged into the computer system in China.

I debated whether I should write the President’s aide, but the firmness of the President’s words kept ringing through my ears. I had been told that day: “This child is a gift for you. It is life for life.” Those words were the deciding factor in my decision.

So with trembling hands, I wrote the President’s aide. The aide responded right back that they would take over, and I would hear from them soon.

Derek and I received a letter from the Chief of the American Citizen Services Section of the U.S. Embassy in Beijing, China written August 30, 2007. The Chief stated she was in China and was granted the task of finding us a daughter.

In September Derek and I saw this cartoon from After Eden¹ entitled “God Knows” by Dan Lietha:

Derek and I prayed that night that God would tell us our daughter’s name so that we could pray for her by name. Immediately, we knew her name: Cherish. We began praying for Cherish and all the trauma she had already endured and the trauma she would soon be enduring.

Two months later, on Jonathan’s birthday, we received a call from our adoption agency stating that they had a child for us! The director told us that our daughter’s name was Ai Mei and that her first name was translated Cherish or Love.

I about passed out! I burst into tears.

Our agency sent us Cherish’s picture through e-mail, and that day we saw our daughter’s face for the first time.

Later, our agency’s president personally told us he had earlier rejected our child match and sent it back to China. China had stated that it was beyond the agency’s control to deny the match and that the match remained. With disapproval and disagreement in the match, our agency’s president told us he had no choice but to pass along our child match.

(I state this because some may be angry at our agency regarding this. Our agency had nothing to do with it and tried to put a stop to it.)

We completed the remainder of the paperwork as quickly as we could, and on December 17^th, Cherish was placed into our arms.

On February 27, 2008, President George W. Bush wrote us.

“Congratulations on Sweet Cherish joining your family.

She is a mighty lucky little girl.”

Actually, we are the ones who are blessed.

We were awed (and continue to be awed) that God would personally intervene to bring Cherish to our family. Our hearts kept hearing the words of Proverbs 21:1, “The king’s heart is a water stream that the Lord controls; He directs it wherever He pleases.” God is the One Who moved President George W. Bush to seek a way for us to receive our daughter without the wait. None of this was planned by us. We were not the ones who had laid down our lives for our country. We had turned down the President’s offer numerous times, but he was firm in his plan to gift us and our extended family with our little Cherish.

Cherish is indeed a gift; ours to hold very loosely. She is not truly ours; she is God’s. We are the ones blessed to raise her and to watch God’s plan for her unfold.

Our God is Sovereign. He is all-powerful. He is all-knowing.

We thank the LORD for taking notice of us—undeserving nobodies.

May HE ALONE receive all the glory for the plan He had for us.

As an important note, our family has been blessed with five more precious children through the gift of adoption. All five of these children have special needs. ALL of our children have equal value! Each one is a GIFT!!!

Psalm 139:13-18

¹³ For You created my inmost being;
    You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    Your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in Your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with You.

This is true of ALL children—regardless of health status.

¹ https://answersingenesis.org/media/cartoons/after-eden/god-knows/ Used with permission.

A daughter for good!

It's a BIG DAY for HOPE! Today dawns with a new understanding of permanency, love, acceptance, and belonging for Hope. Today, Hope has been a daughter longer than she was an orphan in an orphanage! ❤️

My Hero

Derek is my hero! Most people don't know, but...

1. Derek chose Matthew to be the next Bollinger.

2. As a first-shift clerk with the railroad, he worked every extra second and third shift job he could to pay for the adoption in cash.

3. He was willing to go to China as a "single parent" to get Matthew.

The magnitude of all that this man has chosen to do to give himself up completely for a stranger is enormous!

He is selfless and kind. He quickly does without so that others can have an abundance.

Yesterday, when his flight was cancelled, he went to work in order not to lose a day's pay. Then, he was on the phone with United about three hours trying to work out a new plan to fly out.

He played with the children for a time before putting them to bed for the night. (Though they didn't stay there 😉.)

Then, at 8 p.m. he headed for the airport to get the rental car. After all he needed to do to switch out cars and luggage, he was home by 11 p.m.

Since children were still awake when he returned home, he spent time with them snuggling and giggling with them until around 12:30 a.m. Then, he was up at 2 a.m. to shower and hit the road.

On the flight from Orlando to Chicago lacking greatly in sleep:

On the flight from Chicago to Beijing:

God bless Derek!!

Side note: I have been asked multiple times why I am staying home. For Derek and me to go to China together would cause the children to be displaced--having to go to their grandparent's house. With children who have lived with us less time than they had lived in the orphanage, we were concerned that they would feel abandoned again, and the trauma would be great. Also, the littles do not understand time, so they could not understand that mom and dad would be back in about three weeks. Lastly, Daniel is bonded to Derek's chest (literally), so by me staying home, he would at least have one parent to cling to and hopefully be able to handle daddy's absence better. So, simply put: it is what is best for the children.

Children Planned by a Sovereign God

(a mother’s prospective)

When Derek and I got married in 1999, we chose to trust God's perfect timing for children. We waited. And we waited.

After seven years of marriage and still having no children, my husband was told by his friend about a fertility clinic here in town that he and his wife had gone to. His wife was 8 months pregnant with their first child at that time.

Derek asked me to go with him to consult a doctor to see if anything was “wrong” medically that could be fixed. Derek made our appointment and off we went to the fertility clinic.

While we were in the waiting room of the fertility clinic, an engulfing weight of horror came over me, and I knew something horrible was going to happen if we did not leave that waiting room immediately. The feeling of terror was so great that I wanted immensely to bolt from the room.

Derek noticed the change in my demeanor and asked what was wrong. I told him I thought we needed to leave and not return to the clinic. I told him of the horrible feeling that had entered my being and that I was sure something terrible was going to happen if we became patients of the clinic.

Derek asked me to stay and keep the doctor’s appointment.

I told him that if I wasn’t a believer in the Sovereignty of God I would run out of the waiting room and not return. However, since I believed in God's sovereignty, I was going to choose submission and do as Derek had asked.

We had our consultation, and the doctor assumed I had endometriosis, so he scheduled me for surgery. He said the surgery was out-patient and the recovery time was two days. After the two days, I could resume my normal activities. It was simply that easy to correct endometriosis.

I struggled in my heart. I felt the intense feelings of horror that engulfed me; I was certain of the trauma that would come if I followed through with the surgery. Yet, I knew God was (is) completely sovereign. I preached to myself.

Over and over again I reminded myself that God’s declared will was for me to submit to my husband, if I did that, I could trust the outcome to His sovereign hands. I knew that even my possible death would be for His glory if I only walked in obedience.

I continued to preach to myself. I was not going to allow my feelings to win over my knowledge of The Good and Sovereign God. I knew He was trustworthy.

We went forward with the surgery, and it was discovered that I indeed had endometriosis. Stage 2. It was removed.

Upon waking up, I could not move. The nurses were very kind and kept coaxing me to get up and walk. I could not get up. I could not move.

The nurses gave me narcotics. I still could not walk.

The recovery room was manned only by the doctor’s nurses, and their work day ended at 5 p.m. Ready or not, I had to leave at 5 p.m. They put me in a wheelchair and assisted Derek in getting me into the car to go home.

At home, I slept on the couch. Every movement was agony. I could not even walk to the restroom, so Derek borrowed a walker for me to use.

On day two of the recovery, a fever began. Derek called the doctor’s office to tell them about my pain and fever. They told him I was “fine” and to give me “Tylenol and Gatorade” (as I was not eating).

On day three of the recovery, the fever worsened. Derek called the doctor’s office again. Once again, the nurse told him I was fine and told Derek to give me Tylenol and Gatorade.

On day four of the recovery, I became delusional and began talking to Tinker Bell. My fever remained high. Derek called the doctor’s office again. The nurse yelled at Derek for bothering them. The nurse said that I was probably exaggerating and to simply give me Tylenol for the fever and Gatorade to keep me hydrated.

That night I felt certain that death was coming close. I asked Derek to stay with me and sleep in the living room. In the morning I saw how scary I looked as I shuffled past a mirror on my way to the restroom. My body had become extremely swollen overnight, and I had no idea what was happening.

I woke Derek and told him to take me to the hospital. Since the doctor’s office is a suite in the hospital, Derek called the doctor’s office first (knowing they had Saturday appointments from 7-9 a.m.), and told them I needed to be seen immediately.

The nurse yelled at Derek! She told him that it was unnecessary, but if he really thought it was an emergency, he had to have me there by 8 a.m. or they would not see me.

The agony of getting to the doctor’s office was almost more than I could bear! I was crying from the pain. I thought I would die from my organs exploding with each push of the brake and with every grout rut I had to be wheeled over while in the wheelchair.

I finally made it to the doctor’s office alive. I was surprised. Upon seeing me, the nurses quickly ushered me out of the waiting room and into a private room. The surgeon came in and immediately began ordering the nurses around. I had toxic shock, and it was day 5! I was literally on my death bed.

After multiple tests I was placed into the ICU ward of the hospital. It was Saturday night by this time. I overheard the infectious disease specialist tell the ICU nurse there was nothing more they could do. With antibiotics pouring into my veins I drifted off into unconsciousness.

Sunday passed. I was unaware of it.

Monday morning dawned and I awoke as the infectious disease specialist came in. His first words to me were: “I never expected to see you alive again.”

GOD had kept me alive. Thus, the surgeons went into action to combat the trauma my body was enduring due to the toxic shock.

I spent ten days in ICU. My days were full of battling complications.

I was eventually moved to a regular room in the hospital for five days and then discharged. I came out of the hospital with many medical issues due to the complications that had arisen from my time at the hospital. But, I was alive.

A little while later, a grapefruit-sized mass developed in my lower abdomen due to the toxic shock—which had essentially melted my insides together. I was transferred to an oncologist and prepped for yet another surgery.

A hysterectomy was performed. I was shocked.

I kept preaching to myself that God is completely sovereign over every detail of my life and so long as I continued to walk in obedience to His declared will, I would be protected by His perfect will and plan.

Having full trust in God’s sovereignty, we knew there were no such things as accidents. Therefore, we did not sue the surgeon or his staff.

God was at work.

During this time, Derek began feeling a call for us to adopt from China. He asked me to pray and see if God was leading me as well. I felt no need to pray—fully believing that God would lead my husband as the leader of our family. However, I did as he asked. I prayed for God’s direction. Within two months of praying, we both knew 100% that God had called us to adopt from China. The door down that path had flung wide open with nothing holding us back.

So, forward we charged.

On our first trip to China, it became clear to both of us that I would have died shortly after adopting Cherish, because it was during the complications of the toxic shock that my blood had clotted. The hematologist had discovered that I had a hereditary disorder that caused my blood to clot.

I had been so active in life that I never knew I had the disorder. Had the discovery not been made through the ordeal of the toxic shock, my blood would have clotted on the international flight to China, and our daughter would have come to America to be raised by a widowed daddy. What a blessed discovery!

So, should I have run out of that doctor’s office on the consultation day? No. If I had, we would not have these five amazing children with a sixth child on the way!

If I had run out of that doctor’s office, each month Derek and I would have had a hesitation in our hearts wondering if I would be getting pregnant during the adoption process—and thus lose the child with whom we had been matched. And, I would likely have died from clotting on that first trip to China with the pressure of the high altitude, combined with flying for so long with a sleeping child on my lap.

Even in trials, we Believers can be absolutely confident that God is Sovereign over all the details of our lives, and we can put our full confidence and trust in His good and loving hands as we walk in obedience to His Word.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” All things.

What had started out as a desire to be a mom has now turned into an all-consuming desire to care for the most vulnerable humans in the world.

I am so thankful for the darkness we walked through. I wouldn’t change it for anything!

To God be the glory!

Big Week

This week, our finished dossier (adoption paperwork) reached our agency. How wonderful it felt leaving our hands!

Little did we realize that one of the papers had an electronic signature instead of a live signature, so it was rejected. Gulp. At least it was caught on this side of the ocean!

Also, we began the 2017-2018 school year. We are homeschooling again with Cherish in the 5th grade, and Hope and Andrew in the 2nd grade.

Happy schooling everyone!!