Life for Life

I have kept this story quiet, because I haven’t wanted to hurt anyone. I know numerous hearts have been broken and many souls have grown weary in the 11+ years families have waited so far to adopt a healthy baby girl from China. For those who have been in the process since our paperwork was logged into China in 2007, Derek and I grieve with you that China has not yet matched you with a healthy baby girl and that the years ahead to wait are yet unnumbered.

I share this story now, not to hurt anyone, but because I cannot bear not shining light on the God of the universe Who is completely Sovereign and Who continues to work today. In addition, I share this story to show that all people—regardless of labels—have incomprehensible worth, and all children deserve to be welcomed into loving families.

November is National Adoption Month.

November 11, 2018 is Orphan Sunday.

November 11, 2018 is Veterans Day.

Today I share.

Life for Life

My husband and I had been married over 7½ years, and God had not yet granted us any children. A short time after getting out of the hospital for toxic shock (click HERE to read the story), the LORD laid on my husband’s heart the desire to adopt a child from China. As we looked into adopting from China, we were told the orphanages were comprised mainly of girls. However, the timeframe for waiting to adopt a healthy baby girl from China at that time was over 7 years—and the timeframe was increasing.

Since we firmly believed that every child has unfathomable worth, we decided to adopt a child with special needs. Indeed, our plan was to eventually adopt several children with special needs.

Thus, we began the process by applying to our agency for acceptance into the adoption program. We were accepted and began the enormous task of tackling paperwork and setting up appointments for all sorts of clearances.

During this time, my brother Jonathan Tompkins was serving as a Marine in Iraq. On April 5, 2007, my brother was shot by a sniper while on duty in the desert.

I was told that the Marines have a standard of resuscitating their fellow Marines two times, yet they resuscitated Jonathan 4 times! Jonathan was in a constant life-and-death state while being transferred from Iraq to Germany and then on to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland.

Fellow Marines praying over Jonathan before he left Iraq for Germany:

The Vietnam Veterans of America flew my family and me to Bethesda to be with Jonathan during his traumatic recovery. My mother stayed at the hospital with Jonathan the whole time while the rest of my family and I all took turns coming and helping Jonathan and giving my mom some time to rest.

Before flying to Bethesda for the second time, Derek and I had decided that since I was working on my summer session at Liberty University (online) and trying to complete our adoption paperwork, I would fly home on Memorial Day. That way I would be home before I was too far behind on my school projects.

Days before I was to fly out of Bethesda to go home, Jonathan, my mother, my brother Paul, and I were informed that the President of the United States would be coming to the hospital on Memorial Day to thank the Marines who were wounded and to present them with Purple Hearts.

My airline ticket had already been set and paid for so that I could fly home on Monday, Memorial Day. Therefore, I did not give the information a second thought. I knew I needed to get home.

When I called Derek later that day and told him of the adventures awaiting Jonathan on Monday, he said I should stay and watch Jonathan receive his Purple Heart. I reminded him that my flight had already been booked, that the background checks had already begun on all the visitors who would be at the hospital that day, and that I needed to get home for multiple projects.

He told me to stay.

All I could think was that I was to submit to my husband. Ephesians 5:22-23 states, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

I left my brother’s hospital room and headed down to the Liaison’s Office. I asked for permission to stay on the base and to be able to witness my brother receiving his Purple Heart. I was told that I could not stay; the plans had already been set.

As I thanked the officers for their time, one officer said he thought there might be a chance I could stay on the base. The officers worked together and I was granted permission to stay on the base and at the hospital. The officers changed my airline ticket to Tuesday, the day after Memorial Day.

Knowing I should not have even been at the presentation and that it was only by the grace of the officers that I was even permitted to be at the hospital that day, I planned to be as invisible as possible.

There were six (6) recipients of the Purple Heart award that day, but since Jonathan had contracted MRSA, he was in isolation. Thus, it was planned that the President, George W. Bush, would visit Jonathan last.

When the President arrived at Jonathan's room, I was surprised by how down-to-earth he was, how personable he was, how much compassion he showed, and how deep the respect was that he showed Jonathan and us. He thanked Jonathan over and over again for laying down his life for our country, and then the President presented Jonathan with the Purple Heart and the presidential coin.

When the presentation was over, the President asked permission to stay in Jonathan’s room to talk with us, since Marine One was not ready to take off.

The President stayed and talked with us! I was shocked! I watched him giving his attention to my family, and I soaked in the care he was showing!

After talking with Jonathan, the President asked my mother about herself, and then my brother Paul about himself. When the President turned his attention to me, I was thinking that I should not have even been in the room and that the visitation time was not about me. So, when he asked about me, I simply stated that I was married with no children. Period. Enough said.

I felt a direct tug on my heart telling me to tell him about our upcoming adoption. Normally, I would not have spoken, but the tug felt like a directive from God.

I paused and then simply stated that my husband and I were planning to adopt a little girl from China.

The President lit up and asked if I knew that his father had once been the Ambassador to China. I said I had not.

He told me what he knew of his father’s time in China and then told me he was familiar with China adoptions—as his friends had adopted two girls from China.

I told him we were planning to adopt several girls with special needs, and we were so excited about the entire process.

He told me that he was going to try to get my husband and me a healthy girl from China. I said, “Thank you, but no, that’s ok. I know the wait is tremendously long and many people are in the waiting process. My husband and I are planning to adopt children with special needs.”

Again, he said, “I want to do this for your family.”

Again, I said, “No, really, that’s fine! My husband and I will wait like everyone else.” I explained that the children were matched in the order that their paperwork was logged into China.

Again, he said, “I mean it! You do not understand. Your brother laid down his life for our country, and I want to do this for your family. Apply for a healthy child.” At that point, he turned to his aide and told him to give me his business card.

I turned and saw the aide shaking his head very slightly “no”. The President said firmly: “I said give her your business card!” The aide looked at me and then back at him with a questioning look that read: “Don’t you realize we don't do that?”

The President directed: “Give her your card, and you [Julie] e-mail me the minute your paperwork is logged into China. The e-mail will go to my aide, and he will tell me. When I know you’re logged in, I will work to get you your daughter.”

Once again I told the president it was not necessary and that Derek and I were willing to wait.

The President looked firmly at me and stated with a smile: “You will write me! I want to do this! This will be my gift to your family.”

After talking some more, taking a few pictures, and receiving hugs and salutes, the President walked out of the hospital room to take Marine One back to the White House.

Prior to the presentation of the Purple Heart:

(Photograph courtesy of the President’s photographer)

Talking while waiting for Marine One to take off:

(Photograph courtesy of the President’s photographer)

A picture for the memory book:

(Photograph courtesy of the President’s photographer)

My family and I were in a daze! What had just happened?!

I felt so badly! Here my brother had laid down his life for America and I was getting a child! How did this happen?

After a short time and after the shock had worn off, my brother congratulated me and said he would do it all over again for this child.

My heart melted! It might as well have melted all over the floor from how moved I was by his compassion and love!

I went home while my brother stayed in the hospital many more months. On August 14, 2007, our adoption paperwork was logged into the computer system in China.

I debated whether I should write the President’s aide, but the firmness of the President’s words kept ringing through my ears. I had been told that day: “This child is a gift for you. It is life for life.” Those words were the deciding factor in my decision.

So with trembling hands, I wrote the President’s aide. The aide responded right back that they would take over, and I would hear from them soon.

Derek and I received a letter from the Chief of the American Citizen Services Section of the U.S. Embassy in Beijing, China written August 30, 2007. The Chief stated she was in China and was granted the task of finding us a daughter.

In September Derek and I saw this cartoon from After Eden¹ entitled “God Knows” by Dan Lietha:

Derek and I prayed that night that God would tell us our daughter’s name so that we could pray for her by name. Immediately, we knew her name: Cherish. We began praying for Cherish and all the trauma she had already endured and the trauma she would soon be enduring.

Two months later, on Jonathan’s birthday, we received a call from our adoption agency stating that they had a child for us! The director told us that our daughter’s name was Ai Mei and that her first name was translated Cherish or Love.

I about passed out! I burst into tears.

Our agency sent us Cherish’s picture through e-mail, and that day we saw our daughter’s face for the first time.

Later, our agency’s president personally told us he had earlier rejected our child match and sent it back to China. China had stated that it was beyond the agency’s control to deny the match and that the match remained. With disapproval and disagreement in the match, our agency’s president told us he had no choice but to pass along our child match.

(I state this because some may be angry at our agency regarding this. Our agency had nothing to do with it and tried to put a stop to it.)

We completed the remainder of the paperwork as quickly as we could, and on December 17^th, Cherish was placed into our arms.

On February 27, 2008, President George W. Bush wrote us.

“Congratulations on Sweet Cherish joining your family.

She is a mighty lucky little girl.”

Actually, we are the ones who are blessed.

We were awed (and continue to be awed) that God would personally intervene to bring Cherish to our family. Our hearts kept hearing the words of Proverbs 21:1, “The king’s heart is a water stream that the Lord controls; He directs it wherever He pleases.” God is the One Who moved President George W. Bush to seek a way for us to receive our daughter without the wait. None of this was planned by us. We were not the ones who had laid down our lives for our country. We had turned down the President’s offer numerous times, but he was firm in his plan to gift us and our extended family with our little Cherish.

Cherish is indeed a gift; ours to hold very loosely. She is not truly ours; she is God’s. We are the ones blessed to raise her and to watch God’s plan for her unfold.

Our God is Sovereign. He is all-powerful. He is all-knowing.

We thank the LORD for taking notice of us—undeserving nobodies.

May HE ALONE receive all the glory for the plan He had for us.

As an important note, our family has been blessed with five more precious children through the gift of adoption. All five of these children have special needs. ALL of our children have equal value! Each one is a GIFT!!!

Psalm 139:13-18

¹³ For You created my inmost being;
    You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    Your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in Your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with You.

This is true of ALL children—regardless of health status.

¹ https://answersingenesis.org/media/cartoons/after-eden/god-knows/ Used with permission.

Florida Fires Set Hearts On Fire

The year was 1997, and I had grown up in a small town in Pennsylvania. My seven siblings and I had a blast growing up in the hills of Pennsylvania supported by our loving parents. Life hadn’t been perfect, but my life had been filled with the things kids love: skating, running, biking, playing, camping, exploring, fishing, swimming, hiking, acting….

Now, I was “all grown up” and working as an interpreter for children who were deaf and hearing impaired. I loved my job, and I loved being surrounded by lots of elementary-aged children.

One day, my little world came crashing down. I received a phone call informing me that my dad had left my mom. In that moment, all the security I felt in people evaporated.

My mom asked me to move back home and help her move to Florida. The only thought I had over and over again was: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12a and Ephesians 6:2a).

So, I moved back home, quit my job, and sold my car. My mom and I began driving up and down the east coast looking for a new place for my mom to call “home”. We eventually found a house in Flagler County and moved to Florida on December 7, 1997.

When summer rolled around again, Florida was in a panic as wild fires consumed over 500,000 acres of land and hundreds of homes. On July 3, 1998 Flagler County fires hit their peak and the entire county of 42,000 residence was evacuated.

My mom and I, while contemplating traveling “home” to Pennsylvania since we hardly knew anyone in Florida, were trapped in traffic many hours trying to literally get out of the blazing inferno. Wearily reaching Jacksonville, we pulled over to rest for the night and the next day.

God provided a hotel room for us through relatives who had come to Jacksonville to attend a relative’s wedding. My mom and I decided to stay in Florida in case the fires consumed our house, thus, being available for insurance purposes.

July 4^th was an especially lonely day. In the past, July 4^th had always been such a grand day filled with excitement, family, friends, and Independence Day celebrations—from early morning until late at night. This year was vastly different. I was in the hotel room without my immediate family, without friends, and without any Independence Day celebrations or fireworks displays (due to the wild fires). I longed to have a friend with whom to share my aching heart.

On Sunday morning, July 5^th, my mom and I decided to check into a Red Cross Disaster Relief Shelter with other evacuees. Before heading out to find the shelter, we chose to attend a nearby church. Since we arrived when the service was already over, we decided to attend the Sunday School class that followed the service.

After the class, a gentleman named Derek Bollinger approached to ask me to lunch. Since my mom and I had only one car and since we both needed to eat, together we went with Derek to lunch. We all enjoyed our time together, and my mom and I felt uplifted.

At the end of lunch, Derek wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to me—making me promise to call when I was safely back home. Knowing I was bound to keep my promise, I put his phone number in the glove compartment of my mom’s car to save until we returned home.

As we drove away, I repeated the words of Scripture over and over again in my head: “Honor your father and your mother.” Every time the Scripture came to mind, I was more in love with my mom and knew beyond any shadow of any doubt that I was exactly where I needed (and wanted) to be.

We walked into the Disaster Relief Shelter, registered, unloaded, and took a shower. When we came back to the crowded gymnasium, we found that the men—evacuees themselves—had found new filing cabinets and made us a little “room” within the gymnasium, using the filing cabinets as walls! In addition to the newly made “room”, the men had gotten us two cots and placed them side by side inside the little “room”. I was astonished!

There were families with young children, husbands and wives, and single people bedded down all over the gymnasium. But, for some unknown reason, the men had gotten together to make us a room for privacy! I couldn’t comprehend it! I felt like God was wrapping His secure arms around my mom and me, and making us feel—literally—wrapped in His love. I felt seen by Him. I felt that something strange and beautiful had occurred to cause these men to care about two complete strangers, perfectly capable of sleeping “out in the open” with everyone else.

I don’t know about my mom, but my heart that had been feeling raw, bleeding, insecure, and weary felt warm, secure, and embraced by love.

When the evacuation was lifted, my mom and I returned home to find our house was without damage—for which we were very thankful! However, so many in our small town came home to complete devastation:

  

 

My heart was crushed and broken for the people who suffered such loss. The insecurity of life was right in front of my eyes.

Days passed before I remembered my promise and that sheet of paper in the glove compartment containing a man’s phone number. I called Derek’s phone and his answering machine picked up. I simply told him our house had come through the forest fires unscathed and thanked him for having us to lunch. I figured I fulfilled my promise. As I was hanging up the phone, I heard my mom’s voice in my head saying: “It’s impolite not leave a phone number at the end of a message.” Out of obligation to manners, I left my phone number for this man who was a stranger.

(Derek still has the tape I left the voice mail on.)

I received a call back from Derek. He asked me to go on a date with him.

I said, “No.”

He persisted.

I said, “No.”

Figuring I wasn’t being completely polite, I hesitantly added: “If you want to hang out with my mom and me, you are welcome to visit me at our house.” I had no interest in dating a stranger!

To my surprise, he agreed to drive 60 miles each way to come visit us!

Repeatedly!

Over the next couple of months, Derek and I became very good friends and enjoyed spending time together with each other’s family.

During this time, I had committed myself to the LORD in a new way. I told Him that I was His Bride, and that I needed no other. I was content to be His Bride and to serve Him in any capacity He chose for me. Therefore, I was not going to look for a man or date anyone. I only wanted Him. If He wanted to give me a husband, He would have to do it. My heart was for Him alone.

Time passed and Derek and I spent Christmas Eve together—splitting time with his family and my family. As we were parting ways, Derek proposed to me. My response was simply: “No, Derek. We’re just friends.” He asked me about 5 times that night. Each time I gave him the same answer.

For 9 days straight, Derek proposed to me! Each time, I gave him the same response: “No, Derek; we’re just good friends.”

On Saturday, January 2^nd, after yet another “no”, my mom talked privately to Derek. She told Derek that she knew he was “the one” for me, but that I didn’t know it. She suggested that Derek not ask me to marry him for a while and to simply pray about it. That night, my mom asked me if I ever prayed about the “no” answer I was continually giving Derek. I said, “No. I didn’t think I needed to. We’re just friends.” My mom simply stated: “He is the one who is to be your husband. You just don’t know it yet. Promise me that you’ll pray about it and see what God tells you.” I agreed.

That night and the next day I prayed. By Sunday evening, God had shown me His sovereign plan. He indeed intended Derek to be my husband. With the knowledge came feelings of affection for the first time! I actually wanted to hold Derek’s hand! How strange! I thought it would be wonderful if Derek hugged me! I was shocked!

That evening after a concert that his parents and we were attending, I decided it was time to tell Derek. While beginning to drive out of the parking lot to meet his parents at a restaurant, I asked Derek to put his car in “park” so we could talk. Derek put his vehicle in “park” in the parking lot, and I told him that God had given me to him.

Derek passed out in the car! He buckled over onto the gear shift in between the front bucket seats.

When he “came to”, he sat up crying.

Derek was in a daze!!!

We decided to share the news with his parents, so Derek began driving to the restaurant his parents were headed to.

At the first traffic signal, the light was red. Derek blew right through it!

The next traffic light was green. Derek stopped at it!

I told Derek we were going to get killed if he couldn’t concentrate. Somehow, we managed to get to the restaurant alive! 😉

At the restaurant, we announced the news to Derek’s parents. At that time, his dad told me that on the first day Derek ever saw me (July 5^th), he knew instantly that he wanted to marry me. His mom told me that Derek had been going from jewelry store to jewelry store looking at rings and checking out their return policies!

On January 8^th, Derek and I had our first official date. This time, he got down on his knees and, with a ring in hand, asked me to marry him. I said, “YES!”

We went from “friends” to “fiancés” without “dating”.

What a whirlwind!

Derek was on a special work project out of state, and since he was about to begin a part of the project that would not allow him to be absent (therefore, no vacations for a year and a half), his mom suggested our wedding date and arranged for us to be married in 3 months! Since we were going to have the wedding in Jacksonville, she planned every part of the wedding and even found my dress!

Derek and I went from “friends” to “married” in 3 months!

From strangers to married in 9 months! I was stunned!

Our engagement pictures

(though Derek is not a firefighter):

Derek often said,

“God spoke to Moses through a burning bush,

but God spoke to me through a burning county.”

We were married April 10, 1999.

Derek’s dad was his best man,

and my two sisters were my matrons of honor.

I love our story because it was one in which I can see God’s finger and direction over each and every detail of our journey. It was a journey I did not look for or plan, but it was one that was perfectly planned for me!

Little did I know that when I walked in obedience to God’s Word to honor my mom, in a short time I would be seeing my husband-to-be face to face. Little did I know He was blending our hearts together without us even trying.

Thank You, God, for sovereignly working to bring something beautiful out of something so difficult! YOU are a good and loving Father!

God is trustworthy.

Obey His Word,

Follow His Leading,

Trust His Plan.